I'm having an episode as I've come to call them. I can't sleep and it's maddening. I nap, I don't sleep. Thoughts are running through my head so rapidly they're tripping over one another and it's all a jumbled mess.
Two months ago my psych team decided it would be in my best interest, although no meds to date have worked for any length of time, to begin Abilify Maintena 400mg injections....it is dreadful. Nosebleeds, headaches, sudden tremors, the maddening sleeplessness and restlessness but with no energy at all. I can't take it. I want it out of me so I can just be crazy as I am with no distractions.
I can make light of a great many aspects of this junk because that is how I cope, I have to tell you though that I am not feeling very light on any of this at the moment. If I do fall asleep at night, I sleep for an hour and wake up. If I can fight myself to get back to sleep, again I wake in an hour. Finally at some point I give up and just get out of bed and then as soon as Craig wakes in the mornings I have got to go back to bed because I am exhausted. It's ridiculous to be like this. The guilt from sleeping when I shouldn't is overwhelming then when I am trying to go to sleep at night I'm depressed because I wasted my sleep time that morning and I'm too pressured to sleep. At least that's how it seems to be.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Wouldn't it be a fabulous feeling to have someone look to you and say this? I have several people in my life that I can look to and be thankful that they were there to see to it that I didn't give up, the number one of course being my Mama. Man, what a great woman.
I want to be that person for someone. I want to be that person for a great many people, actually. I don't want to think of anyone else in this world feeling as cold and alone as I myself have felt. The horror of that is, there are far too many people in this world that feel that way. Far too many for me to even think of touching their lives. For those lives that I can reach, either in person or here through the wonderful world of the web, I hope that I can touch those lives in a positive way. I hope.
Hope is an amazing thing, isn't it? As long as there is hope, all is not lost. Along with hope, you must have faith. Faith that you will persevere. That you CAN do it, whatever "it" is. If there is a point to this post, let it be that: you CAN do it, whatever it is.
Life really is about opportunity versus circumstance. Some opportunities arise in difficult circumstances and must be by-passed. It is best not to dwell on those, work to change the circumstances so that more opportunities come to light. Grab life with both hands, no wishy-washy business. Be passionate, about everything! When you laugh, don't hide a giggle behind your hand....LAUGH. When you love, do it like you will never hurt a day in your life, no matter how much you hurt. A half lived life is pointless, just get out there and live.
Yes, yes this is sort of rambling and nonsensical, I know. I may come back later and add or edit it completely, I don't know. For now though, it will stand as it is.....
Sunday, August 18, 2013
I say next Sunday because there's not enough time today to throw this in....NEXT Sunday though, yes do it do it DO IT!
I found this recipe over on Pinterest, you know the drill: see it, like it, pin it, several weeks go by and you find it again and are like "Oh yeah, doing this!"
Craig's birthday was coming up and he loves pork anything so I was going through my porkiepins LOL and just knew this was the one I wanted to try, some pilaf and greens on the side and definitely THIS is the recipe. Well, the link I pinned did not lead to the recipe and after much searching I did finally find the one I wanted at The Noshery.
Here's what you need and what you need to do (please do drop in at The Noshery and give Meseidy a THANKS for this one, trust me you'll want to!)
- 4 lb Pork Shoulder or Pork Butt
- 6 Cloves of Garlic, pressed
- 1/4 tsp Ground Black Pepper
- 1 tsp Oregano
- 1 1/2 Tbs Olive Oil
- 1 1/2 Tbs White Vinegar
- 4 tsp Salt
Combine garlic, pepper, oregano, olive oil, vinegar and salt. Rub pork with garlic mixture and refrigerate overnight.
When ready drop into the crockpot on low for 8 hrs.
Follow to the letter. As the old ad says "Set it and forget it!"
I used a Butt Roast, which is actually a shoulder butt. I covered and refrigerated for about 18 hours (yes, meals are a FAR in advance plan most of the time for me) and although I personally am not a fan of pork even I loved this, just like this.
Craig really enjoyed it, even the kids thought it was pretty darned good.
So, as I said, too late to get it done today so just make a list and scurry on out to the market tomorrow and make this as soon as you can, it is just really that good.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Actually, I am pretty funny and not usually mean....well, ok not mean on purpose is what I meant to say LOL.
I ramble and I ramble a whole real lot and coming soon will be my BlogSpot of rambles, rants and recipes so stay tuned!